How to Have Sex in Public Without Actually Having Sex in Public

Whether or not you’ve actually had sex in public, odds are you’ve had a fantasy about doing it in the wild. For many of us, there’s something arousing about the taboo. It’s not just a simple matter of exhibitionism, there’s also the fear of getting caught. That shit can turn us on.

Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, interviewed 4,175 Americans about their sexual fantasies for his book, Tell Me What You Want. He found that 84% of people surveyed said they had fantasized about sex in public at least once before, with 29% saying this was something they fantasized about often. Speaking to Men’s Health, Lehmiller noted that sex in public “appears to be a pretty pervasive fantasy across demographics,” meaning the fantasy is popular among people of all genders and sexual orientations.

“People are turned on by the idea of doing new and different things sexually, which is why fantasies about having sex in different settings are quite common,” Lehmiller says. “People also tend to think of sex as something that people only do in private, so taking it public is transgressive.” Hot.

But wait: Is public sex legal?

No. We want to make this clear as day: Even if you find public sex titillating, we can’t encourage you to get down with your partner in the park. The laws vary by state, but if caught, you might be charged with public indecency and/or lewdness, and the possible penalties include a fine, community service, jail time, and having to register as a sex offender.

What is considered “public”?

Here’s a general rule: if a causal observer can potentially see you, it’s public. That means parks, libraries, museums, restaurants, beaches, airports, and public bathrooms are off-limits. Having sex in your car is also a risky move, because passersby might see you. The same goes for having sex in your first-floor apartment with the windows open so anyone walking by can see you: You could still be charged for lewdness.

The bottom line: If a member of the public could possibly witness you in the act, it’s not okay.

The good news: You can simulate public sex without actually having it!

While we can’t encourage you to have sex in public, we can encourage certain legal acts that might fulfill your exhibitionist or fear-of-getting-caught kinks. These acts won’t land you in jail, and you won’t be offending others who didn’t consent to see you going to town.

1. Incorporate the fantasy with role play

    It may sound silly, but pretend that you’re outside and that people can catch you in the act. You can do this by not taking off your clothes completely during sex. Simply unzip your pants and hike up your partner’s skirt the way you would if you were in public. (You wouldn’t get butt-ass naked if you knew you could get caught at any moment!) Also, don’t have sex in your bed. Do it on your kitchen table and pretend it’s a park table!

    2. Sneak into your own bedroom for a quickie during a party.

      You should still lock the door, but hearing the noise outside your bedroom can be a turn-on. And while you can’t get caught in the act, god knows drunk friends will come and belligerently knock on the door looking for you. You’ll have to rush to put your clothing back on and make it seem like you weren’t just having sex.

      2. Find friends who are down to watch.

        Lehmiller suggests finding friends or couples who are into watching you bone, and invite them over for a sex-filled evening. They can watch you. You can watch them. Having people present can satisfy your exhibitionist (and voyeuristic) desires.

        3. Head to a sex party, club, or resort.

          These spaces are great because you get to have sex somewhere else other than your bedroom. Maybe you get to have it in someone else’s apartment or in the basement of a club. If you’re at a sex resort, you can do it on the pool deck or at the beach. Additionally, these are places where strangers have consented and will actually get turned on watching you have sex. (For a list of our favorite sex resorts, head here!)

          4. Perform via webcam.

            Lehmiller recommends taking things virtual. You can set up a webcam and if you want to protect your anonymity, wear masks. This way, others can tune in and watch you two have some fun. While most cam sites typically have solo performers, there are a few sites that tend to have amateur couples perform, including Stripchat and ImLive. If interested, you can create an account and open your “room” to the public.

            Or… just let it remain a fantasy.

            “Of course, not everyone is going to be comfortable with any or all of these options, and that’s definitely OK,” Lehiller says. “Don’t do anything that makes you or your partner feel uncomfortable and recognize that not every fantasy needs to be turned into reality. Sometimes fantasies are best left as fantasies.”

            Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.