Dollar Shave Club Wants to Turn Your Balls Into a Work of Art

How often do you think about your balls? If we’re going to go off how many times a day you touch your balls, it’s already a lot. In a study in 2000, according to Australian Men’s Health, men touch their balls an average of seven times a day. But adjustment doesn’t equal thought, so we’d venture to guess you actually think about your balls way more (we know we’re not the only ones).

Dollar Shave Club Groundskeeper Ball Spray

dollarshaveclub.com

$6.00

Dollar Shave Club is thinking about your balls, too, but not in a creepy way. This summer the brand is launching a new ball-specific product designed to make having them a bit more comfortable and possibly make that regular adjustment a bit less necessary. Groundskeeper Ball Spray is a talc-free spray to help keep your man junk dry and protected throughout the day, preventing stickage and chafing—two things all ball—having dudes know are very real issues, especially when the temperature rises to swamp-ass-inducing levels of heat. The spray even helps protect against odor, which let’s get real, is an added, but necessary, bonus.

But more than just protecting your balls, Dollar Shave Club wants to celebrate them. That’s why they’re asking you to really think about your balls, and wax poetic about them, for the chance to win $25,000 and have your danglers turned into works of fine art. Yes, you could actually see your two bits immortalized in a museum-worthy painting, not just blurry photos on your camera roll.

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Between July 21 and August 3rd, the brand is asking men to describe what their “family jewels” mean to them through words, poetry, song, basically anything but actual photos (seriously, don’t send photos). In addition to winning $25,000 each, the two winning entries will be chosen to be painted by Grammy-nominated illustrator, visual artist and creative designer Serge Gay Jr.

serge gay jr "down the rabbit hole" 36x24 acrylic on canvas 2016
Serge Gay Jr. “Down The Rabbit Hole” 36×24 Acrylic on Canvas 2016

Serge Gay Jr.


“We want to capture the beauty of balls, which are not something we focus on in today’s society,” says Haitian-born Gay, who was drawn to the project because it’s “weird and interesting” to think about painting a stranger’s balls. But to him, it’s not just about the cojones themselves. “My painting is storytelling and the contestants are able to have the story [of their balls] captured in art. Who doesn’t want to be memorialized that way?” Where the works will be displayed is still being decided, but expect these ball paintings to be huge.

Capturing “the beauty of balls” is going to be more than just reaching for the low hanging fruit. To win this contest, Gay and Dollar Shave Club say you need to really think about what they mean to you—apart from just, you know, having them. Who knows, you may just find out your golden nuggets are worth 25 grand.

How To Enter Dollar Shave Club’s Contest

  • From July 21 to August 3rd, describe what your balls mean to you by replying to @DollarShaveClub on Twitter using the hashtag #paintmyballs.
  • Written submissions only. You can use poetry, song lyrics, or a story in 280 characters or less. Just don’t send photos or video.
  • Contest ends at 11:59pm on August 3, 2020.
  • Winners will be announced in late August.
  • Full contest rules here.
    Garrett Munce writes about men’s style and grooming.

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